Le Berceuse D'un Ange On A Sleepless Night

A lovely song beautifully rendered by an angelic voice belonging to no other than Linda Ronstadt- this is her version of the song "Good Night" written by John Lennon. Simply magnificent. Like an angel's lullaby for the wearied soul. Love to hear it over and over again.

Now you may replay the song reflecting on these thoughts.

Excerpt from "The Mystery of Me: Confronting our Longings and Discovering Love"

I cannot sleep tonight

I toss about in bed,
and worry about my sleeplessness.
I would give anything for a good night's rest.
The night seems endless.
the minutes feel like hours,
and the hours drag on, heavy with fatigue.
I am exhausted.
I feel restless.
I would give anything in exchange for sleep.

And yet I realize
that there is a purpose even in this;
that nothing happens to me by chance.
I believe that every moment of my life
is present to You --
every minute of this long night,
every moment of every night.

I realize, too, that I see my hours as empty,
if they are not filled with activity.
I become restless if I am not in control.
My annoyance at my sleeplessness
hurts me more than the loss of sleep.

I do not know, my God,
all the reasons for this seemingly endless night.
I do not know all the secrets of my body and mind.
I do not want to run from this.
I want to learn more about myself,
more about life,
more about the apparently useless hours.

In these hours, too, Your love waits for me,
and You are never far away.
What is it You want to tell me tonight?
What are You telling me through my body,
through my restlessness,
through my wakefulness?

Are You asking me to open my heart
to those who suffer on a bed of pain,
to those who work at night at heavy, monotonous jobs,
to those whose nights are filled
with anxiety for the morrow?

I'll make room in my heart for You and for them.
I'll learn to relax in Your presence.
I accept both sleep and wakefulness from Your mercy.

I offer up my nights and my days to You.
Give me the grace
to watch with You over the world You love.

Awake or asleep,
may I be a channel of Your love,
and may Your wise and loving plans
be fulfilled in me.

A Simple Validation

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

Leo Buscaglia

Also known as 'Dr. Love'

I walk past this kid at the corridor as I got back to my office today after lunch. The corridor was actually littered with quite a number of people who came to register to be able to exercise their suffrage next year.

Actually I didn't notice the little fellow, probably around three years of age, not until I heard this clickety-clack sound behind me and a mother calling the kid's attention.

I didn't bother to look back. I simply look straight at the tinted interior glass wall at the corridor's end where our moving silhouettes can be seen, clearly defined by the backlighting of the afternoon sun.

The little fellow was actually going after me. He tried as much as he could to get even with my long strides.

Without looking back I extended my right arm behind me and did a little wave of my hand. I was a little surprised! The little boy happily grabbed my hand and quickly put it on his forehead.

Enough for me to wear a smile at midday, in fact, I let out a gleeful chortle, turned and stopped to show this little fellow this lit up face of mine and conveyed its warmth to him. "Oh, what a good little fellow, you are! Bless you, son!", I said with a smile. And I saw the little boy's face beaming with happiness.

In the Philippines, it is customary to acknowledge and give due respect to an elder. A person at least a year older than you are is considered your elder, and a person at least fifteen years of age may be accorded this customary greeting, of taking the hand and putting it on the forehead. When you do this, you are actually asking for a "blessing". The elder usually acknowledges and says, "Bless you!" This gesture is an expression of politeness and respect towards someone who is older and an indication that one is trained with good manners. This is usually done among those related by consanguinity or affinity, and seldom done if the younger person does not know the older one. To greet "Good Morning/Evening" when meeting someone you don't know would be enough courtesy.

At this tender age, this little boy may not actually understand the meaning of what he just did, but later on he will get to appreciate truly the beauty of this trait as his parents continue to inculcate this on him.

But no, I didn't know the boy actually but his little ambush was like a droplet of love percolating a torpid heart. It is not that I am the uncaring one, I am just the one who looks over too much and tends to overlook the closest and simplest that actually matters most.

Oftentimes that happens because I would get too busy trying to be significant. For what use have I if I don't mean a thing? And then I would go prove my worth somewhere, some more. I have been self-misled by thinking that I need to prove. And the more I do it, the more I doubt my worth. Feeling not worth mentioning even unto myself. It is unwanted overwork. Stealthily zapping my energy.

I have realized this: that my deepest need is the need to be needed. Not the need to prove.

The child's little ambush arrested my nonchalance. His mother can only laugh nearby. As I crossed the corridor in all the self-possession of a grown-up, a child's trusting innocence validated my significance. Unexpectedly.

I didn't notice the little fellow, at first. He seemed insignificant, at first.

But not until then.

I found his significance. And mine in his.

I'd like to share to you this beautiful story about a smile lost, a smile found. ",)

A smile always aches to be there.
Choose to smile today.
Choose to give it away.

-Joji

Reviewing A Past Pose for Posterity

This one-room school building sits atop an elevated land that overlooks the sea. Its location gives one a good view of the mountains in the east and the Tañon Strait and nearby Negros Island in the west. This lone structure actually houses grades 1 and 2.

A bit isolated but not remote, the nearest neighbor of this little school house is a hut 50 meters away. There is no fence around the school yard so there is plenty of room to go, ran, and chase one another. Playing in the yonder road a hundred meters away isn't scary at all, the children don't have to worry of any interruption as there are only a few buses plying the route, usually showing up on a four-hour interval. Or the children can ran or slide downhill to the seaside for a quick adventure riding on coconut spathes. School life here is as perfect as the kids' bucolic innocence.

Inside the classroom 4 rows of desks are filled with little people, some quiet, some noisy, some rowdy but there are no true bullies. And only a few ones, usually girls would wear their Sunday shoes, the rest would wear their Spartan slippers. These are more useful during play.

At this time these schoolchildren have zero idea that kids many years later will be playing with computers and will be having it as a subject in school even at an age earlier than theirs. More so, they have no idea that one of them will get to blog about them later, hehe... And most of them wouldn't even know what's a blog. ",)

Let us take a look inside this one-room school building on this one sunny day when the teacher summoned someone to take a photo of her Grade 2 class. ",) You may click on the photo to enlarge.

I do not know what happened to some of these kids today. But I do know that:

1. two of the girls in this class have passed away at a young age;
2. two of the kids here, a bro and sis, got hooked on drugs, they are now both "splitbrained";
3. one girl now does a small eatery business;
4. another a merchandising business;
5. one boy drives a Mitsubishi Strada;
6. another drives a taxi;
7. one girl turned out to be gay;
8. one goes around to do nails or "maniped" (manicure/pedicure) ;
   
9. two would become part-time househelps;
   
10. one became a millionare (lotto winner);
11. and only one meandered in the blogosphere, haha!
    

Can you spot the one mentioned in number 11?

Just Another Day

Morning

Clinton Lee Scott

From the East comes the sun,
Bringing a new and unspoiled day.
It has already circled the Earth and
Looked upon distant lands and
Far-away peoples.

It has passed over mountain ranges and
The waters of the seven seas.
It has shown upon laborers in the fields,
Into the windows of homes,
And shops, and factories.

It has beheld cities with gleaming towers,
And also the hovels of the poor.
It has been witness to both good and evil,
The works of honest men and women and
The conspiracy of knaves.

It has seen marching armies, bomb-blasted villages
And "the destruction that wasteth at noonday."
Now, unsullied from its tireless journey,
It comes to us,
Messenger of the morning.
Harbinger of a new day.

We are all lucky to see today's sunrise. One day it will never happen. It's not because the sun has failed to come, but because we won't be there anymore to greet it. ",)

The breaking of day with the Mayon Volcano welcoming the sun. I took these shots from the plane's window. ",)

Get To Know Me Award

Dee of Tales from the Mom Side passed me another tag award that will give me the opportunity to let you know at least five more things about me, which is about the things I love to do. Thanks, Dee. ",)

The five things I love to do are:

1. Tidy the house or not, depending on the prevailing mood. ",)

2. Work in my small yard where I try to invent a garden, take a walk there as early as 5 in the morning while I mutter my prayers and spend a relaxing moment there with hubby before retiring in the evening. It's always a great place to be watching the full moon and sunrise.

3. Take pictures or video clips, and tuck them for keeps along with its memories. I also keep old letters and cards. I love to reminisce.

4. Listen to jazz music for a subdued mood to slacken stress ",)

5. Give my pet cats the simple pampering countryside style. ",)

I'm sharing this award with everyone. The blogosphere will be a more fun place if anybody gets to know more about anybody. ",) ",)

You are automatically tagged.

You're IT! ",)

Triple Treat

My lifes' problems proved to be a downer lately but Dee has a special way of cheering me up. She passed on to me these awards and I sincerely appreciate it.

Here they are:

1. The All My Friendship Award - this made me realize that "A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

2. The Loyal Friend and Visitor Award - this made me realize that "To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy..."

3. The You Cheer Me Up Award reminded me that "A friend is like a rainbow. They brighten your life when you've been through a storm."

I want to pass these awards to Jan, Beth, Elmot, Reena, Luke and even if this will break the rules, I want to include Dee. ",)

Recharging...

Today...

...I must not confine my self in my abject feelings. I am distressed but not despondent. God is my light.

"You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall."
2 Samuel 22:29-30, The New International Version

*******

...while feeling that the rain poured on me so hard and asking what made me deserve this storm, I am made to think of the plight of my brethren who are suffering and enduring the ordeal brought by Ketsana's wrath.

*********

...with my fellow suffering beings in mind, I draw inspiration from the words of this beautiful soul. How I wish I had his frame of mind. I am thankful I have come across this beautiful soul in my lifetime, grateful that I have come to live to know that beautiful souls like him have come to exist here in this earthly life.

...let me share to you these two poems by one beautiful soul named Maithri Goonetilleke.

...i invite you to visit him and perhaps you may want to walk with him in love.

Walking With Grace

The river of tears

flowed through my heart more times

than I can tell you my friend,

Silent tears, roaring tears,

tears which would fill oceans,

tears of the heart -

which were so much more than salty water,

But today in the gently glow of morning,

I turn my head to the river bank and there a stone has washed ashore,

Bright and sparkling.

I have not seen it before. And yet I know its name -

Grace

I will go pick it up and put it in my pocket.

**********

Turn Your Face To The Sun

Beloved, there are days when nothing seems right.

When every shell you pick up on the winding shore is broken.

When the silken treasure slips through your fingers too quickly.

When comforts are empty. And the world is noise.

On those jagged edged days, when the wind is screaming

for a reason only she understands.

And you find yourself all alone.

Turn your face to the sun.

There is goodness in the world, that even the river of tears cannot erase.

There is love in the world, that the numbed armies of fear can not destroy.

Sometimes that goodness is everywhere apparent.

It pours from the heart of every moment.

From the light of every smile.

On those soft days, love hides in the eaves

to drop like sweet honey on your forehead

and sings her lilting lullabies in the arms of the winds.

But on some days, Beloved. On days like today...

We need to look, to see.

So turn your face to the sun.

Even when she is nowhere to be seen.

Go inside yourself. Find a speck, a splinter of beauty to be grateful for.

'Yes'. the day has worn you. And 'Yes' our mistakes have been so many.

But say 'Thank you' anyway.

Take account of all that is in your possession.

A mind. A heart. A body.

A life that breathes, even if for just one more day.

Now count the eyes that have smiled

at you on your wild journey,

the hands that have held you tenderly,

the ears that have listened,

the prayers that have been made on your behalf.

And whisper your 'Thank you' again.

Count the sky that has watched you grow with His painted eyes,

The heaving waves that find their echo in the tides of your breathing.

The little birds that have sung you their songs,

The stars which have been a lamp to your path

and are your rightful inheritance.

Count unexpected laughter,

Count undeserved grace,

Count Passion and Love making and Dreams yet to be born,

And bow your head and say 'thank you',

Now count the lives that still need your light,

The hungry, the sick, the helpless,

Count the children who will die today

and imagine if with the breath of your body you could help just one.

Turn your face to the sun,

And know yourself as a child of the light.

You are the Goodness that cannot be extinguished,

The love that burns through the darkest night.

And perhaps,

In turning

you will see what I have seen

that this day where everything seemed wrong,

was not your curse,

It was your gift,

Your chance...

To find inside yourself a forgotten 'thank you',

To smile in the face of the grim suppressors,

To stand in the heart of the glowering darkness

and turn your face to the sun.

***********

...I am currently recharging the batteries of my soul. ",) ",)

I Am Burnt Out

Please bear with me. Right now, I am wallowing in despair, experiencing the wretchedness of a poor man's plight. Pressed and crushed by the cruelty of life's inequity. Faith is my light saber but it seems I am out of batteries.

Care to advise me where to recharge?

Randomly Yours, 25 Times

I got this tag from Dee. Actually a long while back. And it gathered dust in the deepest recesses of my memory, unperturbed by Conscience's constant nagging to Sloth for the latter's passive defiance to action, until...today, when I randomly recalled about it, among other things, and fortunately Sloth decided to take a break.

So, let me think randomly 25 times about my enigmatic self.

1. Yes, I am forty-something, and counting...with fingers crossed.

2. I am torn between two lovers. My tomcats in the house now totaled four. I share our bed with them. ",) Until now, my love for cats has not waned, and my cats adore me too, ",) Hubby hates them but tries to put up a patient front to prevent my transformation into a tiger. ",) I now resolve not to make further rescues of stray cats.

3. I worry, I fear - dwells on sadness and the negative. Did some research through the Internet. Could be dysthymia? Me thinking deep. When I get the blues, it stays longer than necessary, and sometimes these blues are self-magnified and self-imposed.

4. Or to be briefly exact, I am getting old.

5. I never got interested in flowers and ornamental plants before but when I transferred to our new house, I started to grow a garden in my small yard and begun to love it, although lately I left them crafting their own devices.

6. Because I got busy entertaining my miseries. Lately, I thought, why not pull the weeds? In my garden, and in my mind as well?

7. I vacillate. The culprit of all these unfinishedness. Ugh!

8. I live in a roughly finished house which my husband and I started to build in 2005. It will be finished in God's time which I pray to happen in my time. ",)

9. I just lost my father last July 22 this year.

10. I am the eldest of the three siblings, all girls.

11. I am the tallest of the three; the spot for the prettiest went to the youngest.

12. And because of that I married last, the youngest married first, lol.

13. I was able to find a taller guy for a husband, luckily (he allows me to stand taller than him when I get mad). ",)

14. I am a lefty but got reformatted early on.

15. I slowly abandoned the interests I had before in my younger years, succumbing to the drabness of my disposition. Tsk, tsk!

16. My all time favorite spiritual books are: The Way by E. Stanley Jones and The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A. Kempis. They offered the right concoction for my famished soul - suited my taste.

17. I enjoy solo, undisturbed, unhurried moments. As always, I find it here in the countryside. I love the quiet, the blissful kind, not the empty, lonely sort. But the empty, lonely one oftentimes vexes my spirit.

18. As i pointed out here in my blog page, I am the creation of the God of contrasts.

19. I am the product of the bigotries of my upbringing.

20. It is my prayer to grow old before I die.

21. I always do soul-checking which alternately distresses and fortifies me. My goal is to be a beautiful soul.

22. My name is taken from Paralipomenon 2, Chapter 22.

23. I haven't written to a dear friend in Minnesota for a long time now and I am so mad at me because of that. You see, I so love her that I wanted to write her a perfect long letter but never got successful. So, the letters are always rehearsed in my head but never got its final version in print. One of my goals as I started to put up this blog was to connect with her through here. We've been writing since the late 80s! Missed you so much my Peace Corps friend. She still cares to write and even so, tries to read my silence. I feel melodramatic each time I think of her. She's a special friend to me. I don't know why writing a letter became a convoluted task. It's not because I no longer want to keep in touch with my long time friends, I still do. To write not has made me feel wretched for letting the wilting of my cherished friendships happen. It is not what I intended to. I have a deeper problem to deal with and my love for writing letters just gets overridden and forced to go into exile because, because, because... that habit, became and attitude, that is now trying to get branded as a disorder to appear classy. ",) I have also a penfriend in Finland in high school. We have not communicated also for many, many years. Surprisingly, I got a Christmas Card from her last December - the lone card I got from the post. ",) Emails rule. I only sent her a reply this month, bum! Because I'd be doomed to greet her not on her birthday this 26th of September. And I should soon be writing to my PC friend. She will have her birthday the 22nd of October.

24. I was 5.5 years of age upon enrollment in Grade 1. There was no pre-school that time.

25. I need a lifestyle check. You see, I think I am living an unhealthy lifestyle.

Oh, almost forgot to say, "Thanks for this tag, Dee." My apologies for doing it only now. The fault is due to a symptomatic fact pursuant to Randomly Yours No. 23. ",) ",)

Nouns: Pro and Anti

It's study time. The lesson to discuss with my son was about pronouns, their nominative and objective forms. After explaining to him what these are, I immediately proceeded with a little rehearse test. This is just a simple topic though, but I just wanted to make sure.

My first question was, "What is the objective form of the pronoun I?"

"Me!"

"Good! What about the pronoun You?"

"Tube!"

"Whaaatt?" I snorted wearing a tiger smiley on my face.

"But I like youTube," he justified.

"I know, but that's not what we are talking about right now!Grrr..."

My patience was a bit piqued by that but I kept my cool. My son likes iPod too. Good thing it never crossed his mind, or his answer to my first question could have been disastrous already.

Damn, pronouns and antinouns! ",)

Impressions

Sometime in April this year as my husband and I were watching TV one evening, the news about the engagement of broadcast journalist Korina Sanchez' to beau Senator Mar Roxas was bruited from there. This prompted a little discussion between us. You know, the "who's using who" tale that their love intent had engendered. Hubby, had his view politicized , while I had mine romanticized, hehe...

Our discussion attracted the curiosity of my inquisitive third grader. Raisuli butted in to ask.

"Why? What did the news tell you?"

"That lady is getting married." I answered him as I pointed at Korina on the TV screen.

My son may not have an exact idea of the magnitude of Korina's prominence but I am pretty sure she made a good impression on him. She is this familiar pretty face that my son got acquainted on TV ever since he was a baby. With the TV just opposite our bed, he would be seeing her almost every evening while we watch the news and while he downs four feeding bottles before sleep time. ",) For certain, in his untainted subconscious, this woman to him means somebody with the distinctive caliber of command and charm.

"To whom?" He threw the follow up question.

"Him!" I said quickly, as the camera focused on Senator Mar Roxas.

"That one?!" He knotted his brows. On his face, a rare mixture of bewilderment and dismay. "That's the one who drives the 'sikad (short for trisikad which is the local term for pedicab). She's marrying the one who drives the 'sikad?!"

Hahaha! Innocently funny.

But perhaps the kind of impression on that particular political ad that is unprecedented. ",)

Or, perhaps the kind of first impression that will be the last thing the owner of the political ad would like to hear.

Doing Homework With Son

My son is left with no option but to get me as his coach. I need to scrimp on my budget and therefore I no longer enrolled him under post-class supervision sessions. But this is the better decision. Aside from saving bucks, I would get to bond with him the more.Despite being a bit tired I would sit with him after dinner for his homeworks.

One evening my son had an assignment where he is to answer this question: What will you do to influence other people to care for the environment? The question seemed vague for my struggling third grader. FYI: He is so like mother, got as his heirloom the family's moderately average brain.

So he asked me, "Ma, what does the word influence mean?"

I always wanted myself to be clearly understood by my third grader so I tried to find the most simple explanation of the word.

" You know, son, it's like there is this thing in you that you get to affect others. When you get to spread to others that something in you, that is influence"

Oh, no! Did I make myself clear? Usually, I tend to make things rather complicated when I intend to make it simple.

But my son seemed satisfied with my definition and with a nod of concurrence said to me,

"So, it's the flu."

Darn!